Mars and Venus

A breakup, divorce, or loss of a loved one isn't just the end of your relationship with that person. It's a continuation of every feeling of abandonment you've ever suffered. It's the loss of a system of approval you'd come to depend on. The struggle, as Gray points out in Starting Over, isn't just to find a new partner, but to get over those feelings of abandonment or loss or anger or whatever else gets dredged up by the end of a relationship.

Perhaps the book's most crucial chapter posits that the best way to get over the loss of love is to focus on the "love" more than the "loss." That may seem impossible, especially if the bum took off with your best friend, your life savings, and your Lyle Lovett CDs, but Gray didn't get to be a household name because the advice in his Venus and Mars books doesn't work. Remembering only the bad parts, Gray says, leaves you with an important part of your emotional being closed to new business.

As for the Venus and Mars stuff, that comes in the second half of the book, when Gray looks at how men and women start new relationships from different points of view, with different priorities (a man might want to have fun with no strings attached; a woman might carry with her a lengthy list of requirements for her next partner, a list that excludes virtually all available men).

If you've never read Gray's work before, you have to be prepared to check your cynicism at the door. This is earnest stuff, but it's also based on decades of experience counseling clients. He's not one of those photogenic, nine-times-divorced shrinklets who's telling you how to conduct your relationships without any real clue of what makes love last. This is the real package: nothing glib, nothing quick and easy, nothing you could've figured out from a "Love Is..." cartoon.

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Amazing Book!.. - Rated
This book is really amazing, and very helpful for some one like me... I really love this book, its wonderful and fantastic...

Helps you to move on - Rated
If you have suffered the end of a relationship by a break-up or bereavement and are finding it difficult to heal and move on with your life, this book is essential reading. Grieving the loss of love, letting go of hurt, saying goodbye with love, getting unstuck, man on the rebound, a woman's fear of intimacy and learning to be happy alone are just some of the chapters in this book and there is also an exercise to help you feel better and loads of information about the different challenges faced by men and women when they are starting over and looking for love again. John Gray writes in such an understanding way you feel as though he knows exactly how you are feeling. When you are ready, I would recommend Mars and Venus on a Date as it gives invaluable advice on dating and how to build a solid base for a healthy relationship by taking things slowly.

This book is simply the best book for surviving divorce! - Rated
John Gray's approach to this subject is quite stunning. He is very sincere and discloses alot about his own personal life and ,therefore,not only writes as a professional,but also as someone who has experienced loss.
Read it and be comforted. Move on with an open heart!

Very use ful and helpful - Rated
I have not read his other books but this came in very useful at a difficult time in my life. I think it is the simplicity of the style and the way in which he confronts problems which one is trying to push away which makes it so effective

More sexist blather - Rated
Another condescending book from John Gray, who seems sometimes to be stuck in the 1950's. With most women working outside of the home these days, he fails to address how a woman's intellectual interests may help her to heal. I understand his point about being careful not to deny your own needs by focusing too much on the needs of others. But how come it's OK for a man to concentrate on his work in order to heal, but not OK for a woman? Not all of we women are whimpering crybabies, and emotional fulfillment comes in many forms.