Mars and Venus on a Date

View other editions of Mars and Venus on a Date.
View books by John Gray.

Utter Rubbish - Rated
I bought this book in hope that it would de-mystify the dating process. It did not. It was UTTER RUBBISH. The stages that Gray states in dating are ridiculous - nothing is that clear cut, he offers no timeframes to say when the period of attraction say starts and ends. It also implies that engagement/marriage is how a relationship ends up (and that ALL women want to be married).

Above all a woman must not pursue a man and be receptive to his advances, and woe betide her if she dares to ask for a date. Really she should have his pipe and slippers ready for him at the door in the evening.

It is also disrespectful to men, suggesting that they all behave in a certain manner (no matter what their past issues are/depressed/etc etc) and they are allowed to control the relationship their way and for women to abide by their actions.

The best thing I will be doing with this book is throwing it on the fire.

Hugely gender stereotyped. Don't believe the hype - this book SUCKS.

Success after reading this book - Rated
After various unsuccesful relationships I decided to buy this book to see how men's minds work as it has always been a mystery to me. It all became clear after reading the book and the next relationship I had, I decided to handle it differently according to the rules in the book. Well I have success! He is totally besotted with me and I am with him and have not been this happy in a long time. Would recommend that women read this book. Definateley!

This book changed my life! - Rated
Men and women are different!Surprise!Surprise!Well yes there are some actually and Mr Gray spells them out over and over again so that by the end of the book you know "the way to go"!

Trouble is have we ladies got the patience to be waiting around for the latest beau to decide "oh yes I remember her she was ok,always reading that relationship book by some Gray bloke!? "Think I'll give her a ring she won't tell me off because she's been reading Mars and Venus on a Date". "She knows that if she does tell me off she will lose me so I'm on a winner with this Gray bloke"!

Apparently ladies should not be annoyed when he calls us 2 months later because he will come back to us with even more love than ever.(by the way if he doesnt it means he didnt like you enough to carry on the relash!least surprise of the book? john obviously knows that some ladies do not get the message!)

The goods news tho is that we ladies can also date others while he is making his mind up!

So everyone's happy!?

I dont think so!

Basically what I learnt was that guys want to make us happy!They do! John says!

So when they do something nice ladies have to make sure they show it is appreciated.I didnt know this you see I expected it!

When I started saying thanks I couldnt get rid of them!But John says thats ok because I've gone into the uncertainty stage and this is only a natural progression towards knowing who is right for me and who isnt.

Men should be given this book at 5 years old and made to read it every morning and every night!Then they will learn once they've got us they must keep being romantic or we will get really p***ed off!

Result?: A nicer place for ladies to live in!Men feeling successful because they've made a woman happy? Is John a nice bloke or what!

This book makes it all seem easier to bear..... - Rated
This book is a real comfort to me. When I first read John Gray's first book a few years ago, I felt that he was asking women to accept unacceptable behaviour from men. Some years later, having read this book, which is tailored more to single people, I now accept that men truly are wired differently from women, and we often get hurt by things that they do because we take their actions personally, when all they're doing is following their own nature. Whilst girls might be advised to "treat 'm mean and keep 'm keen", at the end of the day, the game plan is to make a relationship, not win a battle; being "mean" hurts us too. John Gray preaches the wisdom of giving things time, of letting the man take the lead, of going with the flow. It deals with the difficult moments that leave women distracted and unhappy, such as what to do when he's not so certain he wants to see you, when he doesn't call etc. Somehow he makes it all seem as though it isn't a major tragedy;dating mishaps begin to seem as if they are less evidence of failure and more the result of a practical mismatch. If you accept John Gray's advice, in my experience everyone's happier. The only thing I would say is that I think there are some cultural differences between UK and US dating habits which make some of the advice hard to apply. Although John Gray advocates dating around until a man asks you to stop, I think most British men would assume that once you've got past the intial few dates that you won't be seeing anyone else, and most British women wouldn't want to do it. (Maybe I'm just old fashioned!).

Well intentioned perhaps, but perpetuates oudated attitudes - Rated
John Gray offers a sincere attempt to demystify the differences in thinking between men and women (much of his analysis here would seem to be at least largely valid) and to offer insight on how to maximise one's success when dating (his advice here seems flawed and outdated in several areas).

His explanation of the different phases of attraction, the differences in the way men and women react to uncertainty provides some comfort by way of convincing explanations for those puzzled by the behaviour of someone of the opposite sex. This I found interesting.

But unfortunately the book is heavily gender-biased. According to Gray, it is a man's prerogative to pursue and a woman's role to wait to be pursued. This may seem natural to some degree but he takes it too far. For women, forget ever taking any initiatives, he says, even after several dates. Let the man decide everything and just react as you go along. Take whatever he offers but be careful not to show your interest actively.

Some of Gray's "wisdom": Let a man open the car door for you but never, ever reach over to unlock his door. This is a major faux-pas, he says, -- to do so would hurt the man's pride and defeat the purpose of his original gentlemanly gesture.

Also, never offer to help a man and never provide advice but be sure to ask him for help and advice (in other words, be careful not to appear too resourceful and try to look helpless whenever possible).

Never call a man other than to say hi, and certainly never to suggest you might want to see him (big no-no).

He also says a woman's offer to go dutch anytime in the early stages of a relationship is insulting to a man, the reasoning being that the man will take this to mean he should not get his hopes up regarding sex. As a woman, I find the suggestion that allowing yourself to be treated or offering to go dutch (in other words, a question of money) is in any way linked to your "verdict" on the possibility of sex insulting to women. Gray has obviously not considered other possible reasons, such as politeness or wanting to participate as an equal (he fails to suggest that the man can always insist if it's an issue for him).

Throughout the book he says dating itself is not about sharing but rather a time for women to focus on receiving from men and for men to focus on providing for a woman's happiness. May sound fine in theory but it seems to me this is too simplistic and not realistic in today's world. The "101 places to find your soulmate" were beyond belief- an excerpt:"#101 - On an airplane, hang out near the restrooms and strike up a conversation while waiting in line (...) be sure to walk up and down the aisles to be seen and to see if your soulmate is there."

In short, it's interesting for the explanations of the differences in thinking, but disappointing in terms of dating advice.