Rockers behaving badly - Rated 
It's a given fact (much like Jane Austen's line about a single man et cetera) that rock stars not only behave badly, but that they always have done so.
And over a half century or so, rock'n'rollers have acquired a large number of crazy rumors, stories, and anecdotes. But despite its name, "Rock Star Babylon: Outrageous Rumors, Legends, and Raucous True Tales of Rock and Roll Icons" is not raucous or outrageous -- while a few stories are worthy of rock'n'roll outrageousness, Jon Holmes mostly dredges up the old or unoutrageous stories in insistently unfunny prose.
It opens with a tale of a kangaroo hit by a band bus, which these sensitive musicians then dressed in a jacket and sunglasses, and took pictures with it. Too bad the kangaroo wasn't QUITE dead (it's getting better!), and went hopping off into the outback with the ignition keys in its pocket. Ah, karma, how sweet thou art.
And then we've got lots of other stories (some untrue) -- the stomach-full-of-semen one, a pop star's racist attack, a testicle testimony, over-the-top parties, seminude bonfire dances, airborne musical effects, the legendary"Mars Bar" story, a church filled with pigs, a German interviewer's "seizure," little people with headtrays of cocaine, a HIV message carved into a torso, and many other bizarre and sometimes grotesque little stories. And they range in focus from the Rolling Stones to Damon Albarn to some pop stars I've never heard of.
In theory, any book called "Rock Star Babylon" should have some really outrageous, juicy stories in it, or at least produce some that haven't been heard many times before. And there are some horrendously funny stories from time to time, such as a story about Ozzy Osbourne's attempt to film a music video in a pig-filled church, only to have the music, erm, startle the pigs, causing them to befoul said church. Call it a divine message.
Unfortunately despite a wealth of grotesque and shocking rock'n'roll material, Jon Holmes only produces a few of those throughout the entire book -- most of the truly shocking and/or outrageous stuff he covers in this book is stuff that is already pretty well-known, such as Led Zeppelin's "red snapper" story or the "Stevie Nicks has cocaine blown up her butt" legend.
Well, those are the shocking ones -- the ones heard before. Most of them are frankly very UN-shocking. Yes, it's obnoxious that Keith Richards wouldn't go onstage without a shepherd's pie beforehand, but it's not exactly "outrageous."How is it a rock star story that a bunch of guys were watching Damon Albarn's girlfriend changing her clothes? HE didn't do anything. And why are disastrous concept albums, experiments and concerts considered "outrageous?" Ridiculous, yes, but not outrageous.
It doesn't help that Jon Holmes appears to be acutely aware of the flimsiness of his material, because he stretches it thin with lots of not-very-interesting personal anecdotes and heavy footnoting. And though he's apparently a comedian, his shrill humor wears thin after about twenty-five pages -- oh look, jokes about dumb Americans and pervert priests, as well as half-forgotten celebs like Charlotte Church. How droll and witty.
"Rock Star Babylon: Outrageous Rumors, Legends, and Raucous True Tales of Rock and Roll Icons" had more than enough material to live up to its name, but Jon Holmes' poor selections and yawnworthy writing make this more of a "Rock Star Retirement Home."
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