Love Must Be Tough

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View books by James Dobson.

Almost perfect - Rated
I would not consider this writer to always be on target, biblically speaking. However, I believe that he has taken the correct stance on marriage and the importance of getting help, being hopeful, and not grovelling when facing crisis. I think too many authors do not give a person who has gone through a marriage that has had fidelity issues any hope for resolution (reunification), which I believe is what the Bible teaches is preferable. This book does just that.

a very unforgiving narrow minded book - Rated
This is the first time in ten years of amazon use that I have been so angered that I felt the need to write a very negative review. This book has gone straight into the recycling bin as I would not be prepared to sell it on to another unsuspecting person. I am a doctor, a psychotherapist and believe in God, and I am shocked by the narrow minded fundamentalism of this book, which goes counter to all I believe about allowing each individual to express his or her own self to the full.
The synopsis provided by amazon gives no warning that this book is written from a narrow and literal biblical perspective. The book condemns gay people and suggests that women should stay in loveless or unhappy marriages because divorce is contrary to God's wishes.
I would not consider recommending this book to any patient of mine. In my opinion there is nothing Christian or therapeutic about it.

Something to point the way - Rated
I was given this book by a friend when going through a tough time in my marriage. It planted some seeds of thoughts in my head then, although I couldn't see how to implement the ideas.

A couple of years later my husband suddenly told me he had found somebody else and was leaving me. As soon as he left the room I found this book out and started reading. I needed something to hold me together. I needed someone to tell me what to do!

Dr Dobson pointed out the pitfalls that most people, me including, fall into as they see their marriages breaking down and are desperately trying to hold them together. The dos and don'ts were reassuring to me as it is hard to know what to do for the best as your family is falling apart. It seems that the very things you would naturally be most inclined to do can be the ones that guarantee your partner leaving and staying away. And what's worse, making you feel desperate, helpless and miserable.

The one problem I find is that in 'getting them back' there is the assumption that they come back a reformed character. Even in this book there are examples of women whose husbands had left and the wives have 'got them back'. But that doesn't mean they came back with love and respect for their wives, far from it, confirmed that they can get away with anything they are soon off again.

I am not saying that true and lasting reconciliation can't happen. I believe and hope it can, even for me. I just found that the chapter was missing that instructs you on 'what to do when they would come back if just to give you some more of the same old'.

What this book gave me was the ability to take charge of my life, maintain my self respect and peace of mind (a lot of the time...). As for my husband, no matter how much I read this book It won't change him. However I do believe I have been spared a lot of heart ache that would have been coming my way had I just done what came naturally to me.

It has been a year now and I am feeling good. Who knows what the future holds, I leave it in Gods capable hands!