I will never forget this book or Martha for that matter... - Rated 
While traveling through Dublin airport on my way to Italy I was immediately grabbed by the title in the bookstore window and after reading the back I realized I had to get this book. I was traveling alone and Martha became my traveling companion. I couldn't put this book down...almost to the point where I would rather sit in my room reading Martha's story then going out and seeing the old country. I have bought 10 copies ready to give out for Christmas...I want everyone I know to read her story. This book changed my life and I feel it will change yours...
BEST NON-FICTION BOOK ON THE MARKET - Rated
NOT MUCH TOO ADD TO WHAT HAS ALREADY BEEN WRITTEN. LEAVES YOU WITH A NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT. YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO PUT THIS DOWN. THE HOUSE WORK HAS HAD IT!!!!
I feel your pain, I feel your shame, but your not to blame - Rated 
In view of the popularity of horrific childhood experience books there are at the moment I thought I would quickly write a book about my own unhappy upbringing before China cottons on and floods the market with even better tales of woe and suffering.
I was born into abject poverty. Where I grew up we were completely dependent on aid parcels from the Red Cross. They used to fly them in by helicopter. It was deemed too dangerous to land so they would drop the crates from a height leaving a bit of a free for all with the strongest and fittest claiming the lions share. Luckily the part of Wolverhampton I lived in wasn't very mountainous so Ma and us kids were able to get there quite quickly before everything was gone. Back in the 1980's we were all dependent on the food and clothes these aid drops brought, there were more out of season Arsenal shirts being worn in Wolverhampton than most African villages.
Life at home was awful. There was no discernable evidence of Pa ever having done a days work in his life. The house was nearly bare apart from the Bone Idol on the mantlepiece which had been presented to Pa by the Job Centre*
Pa was so lazy. Once I walked into the kitchen to see him with his feet up on the stove crying his eyes out. 'What's wrong Pa?' I said, 'Me feet are burning' he replies.
Sacrifices had to be made and we had to share everything. Pa used to wrap clingfilm around his 'old boy' in lieu of having condoms. This ultimately proved very unsatisfactory as I became fed up with finding hairs in my sandwiches and Pa was none to pleased at having egg mayonnaise all over his 'fella'
After a while the clingfilm began to give and the kids started being pumped out again. An important decision was reached. Pa was addicted to boneing so any limits on this were out of the question. The family decided the most rational course of action was to sell our Billy for a packet of chocolate digestives to ease the burden. We feasted like kings that night and I was especially pleased as due to our destitution Kevin and I only had one pair of trousers between us and had always been presented as conjoined twins lest it caused the family any embarrassment.
Dignity was difficult to find living in such squalor. I would lie in bed listening to Ma and Pa grunting and groaning, hearing Ma giving off and having to retrieve the clingfilm with a sink plunger. I gradually grew used to this and learnt to ignore it, it was more difficult however ignoring receiving the back of a foot in the head if they were doing a '69'er
Eventually Pa decided to adopt more conventional and reliable methods of contraception. When Ma was at her most fertile he would have four cans of Tennants Super to ensure he entered the bedroom with 'a floppy one' This seemed to work as they only had another 11 children in the subsequent years.
What I have found is that living a life of poverty and hardship has filled me with a drive to succeed, make something of my life and become a better person. I have worked extremely hard for two years finding wealthy retired old ladies to marry. As a result although I'm only 28 I'm very comfortable but tragedy is never far behind in my life. Unfortunately my first wife died on her 81st birthday. She was last seen disappearing off Beachy Head on the roller skates I had bought for her. My second wife, a younger woman of 78, died after I connected her dentures glass to the mains just to give the sterodent a bit of extra fizz. Sometimes I can't help but blame myself but at least the inheritances are of some comfort.
Life goes on. I hope one day I will find love again, maybe when I visit the nursing home on Sunday, who knows.
In my book I will also describe my terrible experiences when I was sent to a reform boarding school staffed by on the run Nazi war criminals masquerading as nuns and then will remember a whole lot of other stuff for my follow-up book. My demographic is the rather strange type of women who want to have a relationship with Peter Sutcliffe, you know the serial killer fancying kind who gravitate towards pain and suffering. I will also be writing a future book on my life and times as a serial killer, fiction of course. Cough.
DISCLAIMER
I hereby do not agree, support or condone any acts of cruelty against any individuals including putting roller skates on octogenarians, selling children for chocolate digestives, cigarettes or anything else.
Cruelty to children is appalling and inexcuseable and I suggest the best recourse for victims of any type of abuse is to contact the appropriate authorities instead of a book publisher.
The account of my life as detailed above is completely true to the best of my recollection with a few additional events, some artistic license, changes of name and generally made-up stuff just to pad it out a bit.
* Mike McShane circa 1970's
At times inspiring, at times horrifying.. an uplifting story of an irrepressible spirit - Rated
I bought this for my wife who hasn't read it yet, because "everyone is writing about their broken childhood nowadays". One night I ran out of Tom Clancy/Dean Koontz and picked it up to read as a last resort.
Well, it was just fantastic, written through a child's eyes and with a child's language and take on the world. I couldn't believe that a child could go through so much and still emerge victorious on the other side. The absolute desperate situation that she found herself in, living hand to mouth for years, just defies belief.
Very few things make me cry, but this story did... again and again... I found myself wishing I had a time machine that I could travel back to the 50's in and rescue Martha and her siblings... but at the same time it is peppered with the kind of situations that only kids can get themselves into that will have you rolling with laughter.
I just thank God that my 3 little girls are not in the same kind of situation and pray that they never will be. Martha, you are incredible. God Bless you!
One of the best true stories I have ever read - Rated
I found this very hard to put down. Martha was such a spirited soul even the way she tells the story of her horrible childhood,there does not seem to be a hint of outrageous self pity like other writers. Some of it is sad,some funny like her ways of making money for her family by stealing. I would definitely read her books,she is an excellent author
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